Have you ever bit your earlobe?

My husband and I rarely fight. We typically have a discussion and make a decision and we move on. We do bicker....for lack of a better term. I used to get onto my parents for bickering all the time and now I do it too. I notice that my brother and his fiance do it as well. I think that it's because it's hard to live with a boy and the result is bickering. Although I am related to the other 2 examples that I used, so maybe it's us, but I really don't think so. I'm pretty sure it has to do with sharing space with someone who has a penis. Anyway, bickering is not the point of this post. It has more to do with the "discussion" that my husband and I had the other day when we were 1200 miles away from each other and talking on the phone. The discussion began many months ago when I wanted to get my daughter's ears pierced and John did not. Since he wouldn't go with me I said I would get my mom to go with me. I think he thought I was bluffing because that is not how we normally deal with disagreements. The last time that my mom was visiting us in June we were very busy and I completely forgot and the same thing happened when I was in PA a couple of weeks ago. Well this time I did not forget and this past Sunday I decided to go do it. I was on the phone with John right before we left and as I was getting off the phone I said I have to go because we're getting ready to leave. He asked what we were doing and I quickly said "my dad needs to go get ink cartridges, we're getting Vettori's ears pierced and getting a birthday gift for my aunt." I was hoping he wouldn't notice since he never pays attention to half our conversations. Not so lucky this time. He got pretty mad, but still managed to start out calm.  When I said I was doing it anyway, he began to yell at me. I don't remember the entire conversation but here's a couple of his big points:

--I can't believe you'd hurt our daughter for vanity
--You're telling her she's only pretty with jewelery on
--You might as well go get her Botox and a boob job
--They are open wounds and might get infected
--Since when is this marriage not a partnership?

There were alot more but those are the ones I can remember currently. I responded by telling him that earrings don't hurt and he's overreacting...probably because he doesn't have sisters. I also reminded him that I have 3 sets of piercings in my earlobe and 1 set in the cartilage, so I have more experience in this situation.  Plus, I got my ears pierced at about 10 months old as well.  This is when he reminded me that before I knew him he briefly had a tongue ring and it hurt like hell.  Yes, you read that right, John Jones had a tongue ring.  That's a whole other conversation that we don't have time for right now.  Anyway, I said that it's not the same and, of course, he disagreed. So I responded with "no your tongue has alot of nerves and your earlobe doesn't. Have you ever bit your tongue...it hurts...have you ever bit your earlobe....no you haven't.  So you can't compare the two." That's where the conversation went downhill fast.

Right about this time my mom puts a piece of chocolate in her mouth and while she's chewing it Vettori kisses her. She gets a little taste of the chocolate and goes crazy. She starts jumping up and down and licking my moms face and lips and trying to shove her tongue into my moms mouth. I start laughing really hard and John thinks that I'm laughing at him and he hangs up on me. Later when I compared getting her ears pierced to getting the boys circumcised (which also is purely cosmetic) he wouldn't hear it and said it wasn't the same.  He also told me that since it is apparent that we now make decisions with complete disregard of the other spouse, he's going to get a vasectomy and he'll find a ride home.  This is the 2nd time that a reference to him getting a vasectomy has come up in this blog.  It probably comes up 1 or 2 times a day in my house.  I'm beginning to get the feeling that he's serious about not wanting any more kids.  I can't imagine why.  After reading this blog and all of the shenanegans that go on in our life, I'm sure you're in total disbelief as well.  Who wouldn't want to add another child to this calmness and serenity that we call life. 

Needless to say, she looks absolutely adorable with her little diamond earrings.  When we got home he appeared to be over it.  He told Vettori that her earrings are beautiful and told me that I'm trashy for getting a baby's ears pierced but he still loves me.  However, now that I'm blogging about it, and basically rubbing salt in the open wound (pun intended) I'm probably in the dog house again.

In the first post of this blog I discussed how my mother tends to say silly stuff and mix up words and thoughts.  Since I posted that in January there have been many of these moments.  But this weekend, she had a really good one.  One of my parents friends was carrying Vettori and she was really loving him.  They have 2 grown sons, neither of which are currently married.  As Vettori is snuggling in to him, my mom says "it will be your turn soon to have a grandchild." And then she says "although, we may have to get him (their oldest son) a wife from the Internet."  Her friend says "like a mail order bride?"  And she says "yes, maybe a good Russian woman."  Then their are some comments made about the physical appearance of this make believe Russian woman.  And then my mom says....wait for it...."I hope you know German."  Everyone looks confused and I correct her and say I think you mean Russian.  For real Sue??  German??

She is not the only one that does this in my family.  I have a younger cousin (you know who you are) that frequently does this.  She has been know to confuse Cuba and Quebec.  But  my favorite is when she commented that she thought Okra would taste more fishy.  When her husband inquired why she would think that, she replied "you know, since it's whale."  He responded very calmly with Okra is a vegetable and Orca is a whale.  He is very nice and calm about it, as is my dad when my mom messes stuff up, however, my brother Garrett is ruthless.  Think before you speak in front of him.  My sister in law, Kristina, recently had a little blunder that is worth sharing.  I believe that they were watching TV (although he could have been studying for his Anatomy class, I'm not 100% sure), but regardless The Vulva came up in conversation and Garrett says "Oh, the vulva." Kristina laughs. So Garrett says "do you even know what the vulva is?"  And she responds "yes, it's the little hangy ball thing in the back of your throat."  No, that's the Uvula.  I'm pretty sure some of you are going to be googling vulva here in a minute and laughing out loud.

Until next time.....