Did you guys miss me? Of course you did! I mean who else is going to make you look at yourself and think "Gosh, I'm really a great parent compared to her!" Or if you don't have children, who is going to remind you to take your birth control in a way only my family can? I said that I was going to be a better blogger in 2012, but no such luck. Not that my children don't keep me full of stories.
My daughter is unquestionably adorable. She is also sweet, loving, very smart and....a total diva. Her looks are beginning to resemble mine as a toddler and her attitude is starting to resemble mine as a teenager. It doesn't help that everyone treats her like a little baby princess. All 3 of the boys in my house are wrapped around her fat little finger. She will slap Jackson in the face so hard that his glasses fall off and when I yell at her he tells me to be nice to her because she is his "special baby" and he doesn't want her to cry or be sad. He also informs me if I try to discipline her that I am "not very nice" and I should say I'm sorry. And ususally he hounds me about it until I give in and actually appologize to her.
A couple of weeks ago at daycare my sweet little diva decided to teach her classmates a new word. She was trying to put her own shoes on. She really tries hard and wants to do it on her own. She loves shoes. If we go into a store and walk past the shoes we have to stop and try on some shoes because she starts to scream "shoes! shoes!" and doesn't stop. Daddy is in Trouble. Anyway, she was trying put on her shoe and I'm told that she got it on her toes and it fell off and she exclaimed "Oh Shit!" Apparently it was very clear and unmistakable. I'm told that they thought she had said it a couple times prior to this but thought that they heard her wrong. Not this time. Now, I've never heard her say this, but I kinda wish I would. She has a tiny little high pitched voice and I think it would be hilarious. She definitely learned that from me. I say that word alot. So much so, that when I was pregnant John used to joke that Shit was going to be their first word. Jackson never repeated a swear word, but I guess we're not so lucky this time. Is it bad that I'm happy she used it in the appropriate manner/context? I'm defintley out of the running for the mother of the year award and it's only March. I'm considering referring to Vettori as Potty Mouth on this blog from now on.
In addition to having a mouth like a sailor, Potty Mouth (PM) can also hold her alcohol. There is no such thing as "child proof" in my house. PM has opened childrens Tylenol and childrens cold medicine. She can unscrew any lid no matter how tight you put it on...toothpaste, contact solution, my face lotion and carmex are no match for her. We have to keep things way out of reach because she's also not opposed to climbing up onto things to get what she wants. So 2 weeks ago I was paying bills and the kids were playing. Potty Mouth began playing with my work bag. I went an looked and grabbed the things she shouldn't have....my name stamp so she wouldn't stamp my name on the tile 100 times, pens and markers, and my lotion. She was playing with my stethescope and my dayplanner and I went back to paying bills. She left the bag alone to go play with Jackson and all of a sudden I smelled coconut. I looked up and saw an empty travel bottle of my coconut scented hand sanitizer in her hand, some on the floor and a bunch on her hands and face. I guess I missed that in the bag, but of course she found it. So I called poison control. They said that since it was a travel size it probably wasn't enough to cause major problems, but she would likely become intoxicated and act intoxicated and possibly vomit. They told me to feed her something sugary and watch her. So that's what I did. And she wasn't fazed by it. So after 30 minutes, we went to Target. I'd like to believe that she wasn't fazed because she didn't actually consume very much. However, in another life....a.k.a my late teens and early 20's, I was a professional drinker, so maybe she's just a one year old that can hold her liquor...the jury is still out. I'm sure we will find out the answer in 20 years. Who am I kidding, probably 15 years.
While we're discussing inappropriate things that my children say and do, I will share with you my and Jackson's discussion about his penis. I was getting Jackson's clothes out in the morning before school and he was standing there naked and like a typical male, he was checking out his penis and talking about it. So I decided to take the opportunity to talk to him about someone else touching him inappropriately. I was unsure how to breach this discussion with a 3 year old so I said "Jackson, your penis is only for you. Only you are allowed to touch it. No one else should touch it and no one should touch your butt either. If they try to, you tell mommy or daddy right away, because that is very bad." So he agreed and he repeated the general idea back to me. And now he's a bit obsessed with it. That same morning when we got to school and we were getting out of the car, I was saying something about him having fun and he kept saying "and no one will touch my pee pee or my butt." If we are going anywhere he reminds me that while we are there no one will touch his pee pee or butt. He also frequently reminds me that "only Jackson is allowed to touch Jackson's penis." And yes, he refers to himself in the 3rd person while he's talking about it. So we also frequently talk about how he doesn't need to talk to his friends about it or strangers about it and only talk to mommy and daddy about it. I'm sure that in about 10 years when he starts taking "long showers," my husband will be happy to remind me that I'm the one who told him it was okay to do that.
Until next time.....
