T.F. Jones

My husband and I have some pretty interesting conversations via email during the day (I said interesting, get your mind out of the gutter).  They usually start out with normal things like: I'm getting off work early or Do you need me to pick up the kids or What's for dinner?  Then at some point a sarcastic or funny comment is made and it just takes off from there.  I would like to share one of my favorites with you. 

Recently, I was not feeling well in the morning and got really sick at work after lunch.  The email (subject line:  Hey Babe, Just a Reminder) began as him reminding me that he had a late meeting and wouldn't be home until around 7 and some other mundane things.  And then proceeds as follows:

Me: Ok.  I was going to make salmon cakes for dinner, but I'm thinking about just grabbing something on the way home for Jackson.  Maybe tacos.  something easy.  I don't feel well.  Very nauseated.  Good luck with the meetings. 

John: Sorry you don’t feel well.  Don’t make anything special on my account.

Me:  (Totally JOKING!)  I didn't feel well this morning either....it's definitely a boy.  I haven't felt this way since my 16 weeks of morning sickness with Jackson :)  My best guess is that we can be expecting Hudson John sometime in March.

John: If that is the case I will love him just like the others, but will be scheduling my Vasectomy shortly after the first of the year when my sick time renews.  That being said, we might as well name him Jesus, or Trojan failure, whichever you feel is more appropriate.  J 

Me: I think that Trojan Jones has a nice ring to it.   Trojan Failure Jones, Trojan Jesus Jones or Trojan John Jones will work. 

Teenage and adult boys are not the only boys who act silly around girls.  Apparently it's genetically wired and starts young.  Friends of ours come over with their kids to hang out a couple of Saturdays ago.  Dominick (6, almost 7) was hanging out with their daughter who is 8 and very pretty.  They were all playing and at some point she comes downstairs and asks if I took Dominick and a girl to see a PG-13 movie?  I told her no.  She proceeds to tell me that Dominick said that I would take the 2 of them to see a PG-13 movie and not tell her parents.  And that I have done this in the past for him with another girl.  I think it's fantastic that he thinks I'm that cool!  Although I'm not.  But I'm definitely cooler than his dad in his book and at this point I'll take it :)  He also told her that a girl at his school went into the boys bathroom and kissed him....definitely looked down upon at his private, christian school.  He was really working it, trying to impress this older girl.  It's pretty funny. 

I also thinks it's funny that my kids don't quite get how the baby monitor works...basically that it's not a walkie talkie and I can hear everything going on upstairs over it.  This past weekend we were getting ready to go to the Rangers game for Dominick's birthday.  We were not taking Vettori because of the heat, so our babysitter was coming over to watch her.  She walks in the door and I hear, over the monitor, Dominick telling his friend about how pretty his babysitter is and how his friend has to go see her.  So they both poke their heads over the stairs and Dominick is pointing at her.  They go back upstairs and they are talking about how pretty she is and how they love her.  And then Dominick comes down to tell her that his friend thinks she is pretty and is in love with her.  Little boys are so weird!! 

Look out ladies...Dominick Jones is on the prowl....no one is safe!

At the Ranger game Jackson is very into the entire experience.  He loves it!  He liked the "Let's go Rangers" chant the best.  He kept yelling it.  At one point he stands up and turns toward the crowd behind us in Center Field and starts yelling Let's Go Rangers and clapping.  They start doing it with him and pretty soon the entire stadium is yelling it.  Jackson officially started the chant in Center Field!  He was so excited.  The look on his face was priceless.  I didn't get that one on video, but here's a little video of one of the times he was yelling it.  Sorry it's sideways, I can't figure out how to change it.  I know he sounds special, but that's just how he sounds when he sings or yells and it makes my heart smile he's so stinkin cute.

Until next time....

I'm too sexy for my truck

It's been fairly quiet in the Jones house over the past 2 weeks.  I am not complaining that's for sure, but it doesn't leave me much to blog about.  I guess in this case too little is better than too much. 

My SUV needed some work done and for some reason Jackson got it in his head that he broke my car.  First of all, he thinks it's his car that he lets me drive.  Just ask him, he'll tell ya.  I don't know why he thought he broke it but, he kept telling me that he was sorry and giving me hugs.  He would get this sad look and his shoulders would hang down and he would say I broke my car, over and over and over again.  It didn't help that he had a constant reminder with the rental.  My warranty got me a loaner car.  The only thing that they had on the lot at Enterprise to give me was a huge 4 door Chevy Silverado.  I blogged a few months back about how I am not the worlds best driver....this Silverado didn't help that situation.  I had to avoid drive-thrus and any parking spots that had a car on either side of me.  So we saved some money on Starbucks for the week since I'm too lazy and always running too late to go into the store but too scared to go through the drive thru in the beast.  And I got a little extra exercise from parking way in the back of parking lots.  It was really pathetic when I went back to CarMax to pick up my car and I tried 3 different spots before I actually found one that I could park in.  I looked like a hot mess.  But, I digress.  So Jackson is telling everyone when we walk into his daycare the first day that he broke his car and they are giving him hugs and kisses and telling him that it was probably an accident.  He's batting those sad, big blue eyes at them and his teacher has him sit on her lap for the lesson that they were doing.  He was laying it on thick.  Even his little friends kept coming up to him and asking if he was ok.  I think we're in trouble when he gets older.  

So I pull in the drive way in this truck and my husband looks at me and says "you look really sexy in that pickup tru'uck."  Totally redneck, yet totally sweet at the same time.  Step back ladies...he's all mine.

Last night we were all at the table having dinner and John was trying to feed Vettori and she wasn't really cooperating.  So he started to sing to her and for some reason he chose Say a Little Prayer for You by Dionne Warwick, from the movie My Best Friends Wedding.  He was singing it just like they do in the movie.  He started with "the moment I wake up, before I put on my makeup, I say a little prayer for you" in a normal singing voice and then proceeded to the "forever and ever" part in a very high pitched voice.  And the "would only mean heartbreak for me" was borderline screeching.  I was laughing my butt off.  Half the words were wrong because John makes up his own words when he's unsure, but he doesn't miss a beat, so you believe that they are correct.  Dominick and Jackson were laughing as well, but when John was done, Dominick said "dad, next time they have tryouts for those singing shows you need to go."  We laughed and John said that he was too old to make it on those shows.  And Dominick replied "that's too bad because you're a really good singer."  He was serious as a heart attack.  When he's in junior high, I'm going to be sure that John sings his friends that song and we'll see how good Dominick thinks his singing is then.  It would be much better if John would let me video him so that you can really enjoy the singing that we are regularly subjected to, but that's not going to happen.  So this little clip is going to have to do.

I do want to say congrats to Torie and Mike on the recent nuptials.  And congrats to the Sundie family on baby boy #3, Karson Daniel. 

Until next time.....

Milk and Molasses: Not just for pancakes.

I'm sorry to disappoint the 4 (or maybe 5) people who actually read this blog, or lack there of.  My husband has been giving me a really hard time that I do not do a good job at keeping up this blog.  I really have no excuse.  My goal at the beginning was to post once a week.  I started in January and this marks post #7 in as many months.  FAIL!  Oh well. 

We had a very eventful 4th of July weekend that extended into this week.  I think it may be best to breakdown this blog by day, beginning with Saturday, for ease of reading because there were alot of "events," for lack of a better term.

Saturday:  In the morning we had some friends that we don't get to see very often over for brunch.  It was alot of fun.  The kids played and we talked and hung out.  Great way to start the long weekend.  Little did we know it would be a rocky road from there.  We put the kids down for a nap and John decides to go to the gym to get a work out in while the kids are sleeping.  He comes home a short time later and as he walks through the door he ask "will CareNow stitch up my lip or do I need to go to the ER."  I look at it and immediately know that he needs to go to the ER and possibly needs a plastic surgeon to close it because of where on the lip it was.  So he heads to the ER.  Luckily, there are very few people there because everyone is out partying for the holiday.  He gets his lip stitched up and heads home. 

We have a party to go to that night, so we have a new babysitter coming over.  She is the daughter of my coworker.  She is a lovely young lady.  Very intelligent, involved in alot of school activities, volunteers at a diabetic kids camp, has her driving permit...but was no match for the Jones children.  We come in and the house is very quiet and John looks at me and says "something looks different."  She then says, "we had a little accident."  I guess that when she went upstairs to put the baby to bed, the boys decided to play hide and seek.  In the first 2 minutes of hide and seek, Jackson ran behind the chair and got his foot caught on the lamp cord.  Which then caused the lamp to fall over and shatter.  Dominick (the over exaggerator) says that "it was so loud!  You could hear it through the whole house!"  Vettori started screaming and Jackson kept saying that he had glass in his foot (he's totally OCD and a bit of a hypochondriac).  She cleaned it up and got the baby and Jackson to bed.  Dominick then proceeded to beg and plead relentlessly to stay up late.  She gave in and told him he could stay up until 9:15 but then in an act of pure genius she changed the clock in the living room by 30 minutes and at 8:45 told him it was time for bed.  Since Dominick can now tell time, he went right to bed thinking it was 9:15.  He was so happy the next day that he got to stay up late.  There is a name that we give to 3 hours with my 3 kids....birth control.  I guess that she's up for a challenge because she's willing to come back.

Sunday:  We get up and go to church.  We have lunch and go get fit for the tuxes for my brothers wedding.  Jackson was charming the pants off of the lady that was fitting him...look out ladies.  She actually said that we were so lucky that he is so well behaved.  He has them all fooled.  We go home and take naps.  Jackson wakes up and is screaming "daddy I pooped."  He not only pooped, but put his hands in it and touched his face.  John was referring to it as war paint.  John was so mad.  So now we have to regularly talk to Jackson about how we don't touch our poop....seriously.  We get Jackson into the bathtub and cleaned up and then head over to our friends house to swim and BBQ.  The Nelson family is really great to us and our kids.  We had a great time.  I made a new dessert called Funky Frito Frukies and they were Fantastic.  I don't know how to link another web page, or I would, so I guess you just have to look them up.  It's worth the effort...trust me.  Anyway, Dominick really enjoyed these and before we leave he goes into the kitchen and looks at the container that I brought them in.  It is a very big round plastic container that at one point held ready to bake cookies that someone sold for school.  He looks at Diana and tells her to be sure that she gives the container to me because it's his dads favorite bowl and he will be very upset if we don't get it back.  She laughs and asks what he eats out of this big bowl and very seriously Dominick says EVERYTHING.  As far as I know, John has never eaten out of this bowl.  I don't think Dominick really cared about the bowl as much as what was in the bowl.  I applaud his sneakiness in trying to take the dessert home with us without being rude, but poor execution.  He is too much! 

Monday: We go see Kung Fu Panda 2 and then head to our friend Nuggets house.  We have fun swimming and hanging with friends.  We decide to allow Jackson to stay up late and go see fireworks.  He's very excited.  I stay home with the baby.  The fireworks start at 9:30 and they are home by 9:45.  I ask why they are home so soon and Jackson tells me that he didn't like them.  He says "they are youd (loud) mommy and it was really dark.  We need a yite (light)....there were no yites.  I no yike (like) it."

Tuesday:  John goes to work and Jackson, Vettori and I go to the pool.  We had fun and headed home for lunch and a nap.  Jackson awakes about midway through his nap, screaming that his tummy hurts.  He cries nonstop for 30 minutes that his stomach hurts and he keeps asking me to rub it or kiss it and make it feel better.  He was refusing to walk and couldn't get comfortable laying or sitting.  It was breaking my heart.  So I pack them up and head to the ER.  It takes me about 30 minutes to get there with traffic and he cries the entire way saying "it hurts" over and over again.  Over the next hour while we wait in the waiting room, then go to triage and get our vitals, then get taken to a room and wait for the doctor he continues to cry and complain.  The doctor comes in and he calms down a little. He examines him and tells me that he's going to order and xray, urine sample and blood work.  We go for the xray.  The doctor quickly comes in and tells me that they are canceling the blood work and urine because they have found the problem.  He says and I quote, "he has a TON of poop in there."  So he orders an enema.  The nurse comes in and once again comments on the amount of poop and tells us that the normal Fleets enema "isn't going to touch the situation that he has going on in there" and they are going to have to use an old trick called a Milk and Molasses enema.  Yes you read that right.  Half milk, half molasses from the cafeteria.  I never saw that recipe on the back of the Betty Crocker box.  They wheel us into the bathroom and tell us that this works fast and furiously.  They start to do it and Jackson is saying "get away from my butt" which then becomes screaming "get way from my BBBUUUTTTTTTTTTTTT!"  It works it's magic quickly and he is immediately a different kid.  He starts jumping on the bed and showing us how fast he can run and how high he can jump and acting like a crazy 3 year old boy.  I will never look at milk or molasses the same again.  

That pretty much sums up our holiday.  2 ER trips and alot of crap.  Then yesterday, Jackson was jumping on the couch and came down on his face and got a nosebleed.  We are a huge accident waiting to happen.

2 ER trips in 4 days: $200
Babysitter: $30
New lamp: $40
Spending the holiday weekend with your family with stories to tell when they are older:  PRICELESS

As a parent you tend to say things that when taken out of context are ridiculous.  Recently I was cutting vegetables and Jackson asked if he can help.  I tell him "not right now because I'm using a knife, but in a minute you can help me make a Martini."  Really? 

Until next time.....