I need Xanax and Holy Water, STAT!

Well Jackson had surgery Tuesday to put new tubes in his ears and to remove his adenoids.  He was so cute in the holding room before surgery.  They gave him Versed which they called giggle juice and he was so funny on it.  You could see it kick in and he got this big smile on his face.  He started just randomly kissing me and he was swaying side to side.  He was flirting with the nurses.  Everyone that came in the room seemed to ask him if he went by Jackson or Jack.  He would respond with "my name is Jackson Jones...what's your name?" in a total ladies man tone.  He got irritated when I took his glasses when they started wheeling him back and he was giving the anesthesiologist a hard time saying "give me back my glasses, I can't see ANYTHING."  The surgeon (my boss) said that he was a hit and everyone was loving him.  Surgery went great but waking up did not.  He was a maniac.  I thought he was possessed by the devil.  It took 3 of us, including my husband to hold him down to get out his IV and he was screaming that he wanted to leave, but when we got to the car he decided that he didn't want to get into the car.  He was in his pajamas and wasn't wearing shoes and he was trying to run away.  We finally got him in the car, which was a struggle and took both John and I and we stopped to at a gas station to get Gatorade and ice cream.  The entire time John was in there Jackson was screaming to get him out of his seat.  He managed to get his arms out of his car seat straps and I then got out of the car and opened his back door to get him buckled in again and he started slapping me in the face.  I held his left hand that he was slapping me with and tried to get it back under the strap and he made a fist and punched me in the face with his right hand.....I couldn't believe that my sweet baby would do that!  So when John came out I let him try to get him back in and he punched John in the face too....so naturally I felt a little better about the situation.  We finally got him in his car seat and John went to get in his own car to go to work.  John then laughed and told me to have fun as he got in his car and I proceeded to give him the middle finger....mature is the word your brain is trying to find right now.

Jackson screamed the entire 20 minute drive home and then when we got there he decided that he didn't want to go in the house and wanted to stay in the car....yes, the car he so desperately wanted to leave just 20 minutes prior to that.  I unhooked his belt and he quickly got out of the seat and climbed in to the back.  I realized that I was going to have to climb in to my SUV and forcibly remove him from the car.  So I locked the car doors and quickly ran to the house and unlocked the front door and threw the bags inside.  I ran back out to the car, the entire process took about 45 seconds and he had climbed into the front seat and up onto the dashboard and was in a little ball against the window screaming "you can't make me go in."  So I then forcibly removed him from the car and took him inside.  I texted John that I needed and Xanax for me and a priest for him as I was sure we would have to do and exorcism.  He was inconsolable.  I thought ice cream would make him settle down and at least sit but instead he got mad that it wasn't in a cone and picked it up with his hand and threw it at me and then climbed under the coffee table and cried for 30 minutes.  I have never seen anything like this.  Then he literally snapped out of it.  He stopped crying, and looked confused and crawled out from under the table and climbed up on my lap and hugged me and kissed me and asked me to hold him and he was a little angel for the rest of the day.  He even asked me why we were at home and when we got there.  He doesn't remember any of it.  Crazy! 

This one is a little laugh for my friends and family in PA.  I was taking Dominick and Jackson to see a musical and John made a comment about getting them a little culture.  So on our way to Casa Manana Dominick asked me what culture meant.  I started to explain to him that the word culture could be used in different ways and during this I said something about other countries.  Dominick then interrupted me and said "by other countries do you mean places like Ohio?"  I responded by saying "well, alot of people, especially your Uncle Garrett, believe that Ohio is a third world country, but actually it's in the United States."  So my brothers mission is complete....he has talked badly enough about Ohio that a 7 year old thinks it doesn't even belong in the US.

Here's another example my mother's craziness.  First it would be helpful to know that last year Dominick was wavering with his belief in Santa.  He was saying that he didnt' think there was a Santa, but we stood our ground that we all believe in Santa and that his friend or whomever said that was wrong.  So now, back to this year.  I get a bunch of packages on my doorstep from UPS.  I opened a couple that I knew were for the kids from my brother and sister-in-law and a couple that I knew were for John.  But there was one that I was unsure of so I left it in the original box and when I was talking to my mom I asked her about it and she said to open it.  She said that she got it because last year we had a non believer and maybe we could hang this by our Christmas tree to remind him to believe in Santa.  So I open it and immediately start laughing and asked her what we were believing in?  Santa or the beach?  This is what was in the box.

So I describe it to her and tell her that it looks like wood and has glittery starfish on it and all she keeps saying is "that's so stupid" and "that's really gay."  So I asked her if she even looked at it and she said yes, but the picture was little.  She's too much.  I then sent her the above picture with a caption that read "if this doesn't make him believe in Santa, I don't know what will" and she sent me a text that said "OMG...No wonder it was on sale.  I'm going to have to start using my good eye." 

And finally just to get you in the Christmas spirit I wanted to share with you a flyer that I saw for a Christmas Party hanging on a refrigerator.  The top had all the information for the party and the last couple lines were dress code.  I took a picture:

Well, that picture sucks but it says "Dress to impress!  Casual without looking homeless.  No wife beaters!  No saggy pants.  No oversized clothing.  Seriously people....I can't make this shit up.  But on a side note, I thought wife beaters were "casual without looking homeless."  But apparently I was wrong.

Until next time....